The Old Rule: Why Reliving Trauma Isn't Healing
For years, the standard clinical approach taught us one thing: to heal trauma, you had to talk about it—in detail. The idea was that exposure alone would diminish the memory. If you’ve sat in a therapy room hearing, "You have to talk about it," only to leave feeling more dysregulated, anxious, or panicked than when you arrived, I am genuinely sorry that happened. That approach often backfired.
Why Re-Telling Fails the Body
The core problem with forcing the narrative is this: When we recount intense trauma, our brain struggles to distinguish between the past event and the present moment. Your body, being smarter than your words, starts responding as if the danger is happening right now. That meant flashes, increased anxiety, and feeling utterly on edge—the very symptoms we were trying to solve!
Healing the Aftermath, Not Just the Story
Research now clearly shows that simply talking about the event can inadvertently reinforce the dysregulation.
Here is the crucial shift: Trauma isn't just what happened to you; it's what happened inside you.
We don't need the specific details to begin healing. We need to address the beliefs that the trauma created:
- Do you believe you are unworthy?
- Do you believe no one can be trusted?
- Do you feel the world is inherently unsafe?·
These core beliefs, forged in moments of pain, are what we target with effective, evidence-based trauma work. We work on changing those internal rules. With that established, you can tell me as much or as little as you like about the event itself. All we truly need are those foundational beliefs to start the shift.
So, no, you do not have to recount the trauma to heal from it. But yes, you will need to engage in the brave work of feeling and processing the tough thoughts and emotions that have been locked away.